LOOKING

"Loneliness -- this awful emptiness -- how can anyone go on feeling like this?" She deliberated as she mindlessly sorted the endless array of shirts, jeans, underwear, towels and washcloths.

"I can't keep living this way -- I just can't! I'm so bored, and I can't stand it any longer!" She stifled a sob that seemed to be welling up in her throat. It was just too much to bear. She was nearing 35 and life was at a point where soon she would not be as attractive as she once had been. Was she thinking of physically or sexually attractive? Her brain felt muddled.

"Just live one day at a time -- just one day at a time -- you'll live through this, you know you will!" She had told herself the same thing many times before. Now she could have been talking in a foreign language for all the sense it made.

"I want some excitement before my life settles down to a dull and endless routine! I've never 'sewn my wild oats,' so to speak. I should be entitled to something different in this existence!" She sighed, closed her eyes and leaned forward on her elbows. The washer began its washing cycle once again and the pleasant 'swish-swish, swish-swish' seemed to form a rhythm in her head.

"Imagine me at a disco! Wouldn't I look silly? Out-of-style clothing and hairdo -- how funny!" She laughed out loud, but then realized it sounded more like a cry than a laugh.

"Now if I were to get some different clothes, lose ten pounds, fix my hair and put on some makeup, I could show those young girls a thing or two! I used to be a pretty good dancer...I think I could catch on fast to disco dancing...oh crud! Who am I kidding? I'm so ugly no one would look the second time, let alone the first!" She looked down and grimaced in disgust at her body. It wasn't the body she'd had in her teens and early twenties. Fifteen plus years and several children had made her shape quite obnoxious.

"I'm shaped like a gourd -- no top, all bottom! Some prize for anybody!" Suddenly she felt she had to get away from her doldrum existence or suffocate.

"Screw the soap operas today! I'm going to town! I need some groceries anyway!" She was determined to get at least one decent glance from some gentleman, so she hurried to the bathroom, scrutinized her face, decided it might be worthwhile and put on some makeup -- something she hadn't had time (or the inclination) to do for several years.

After she'd fixed her hair and face and splashed some of her favorite gentle perfume on her arms and neck, she looked again.

"Not bad, I guess, for an old lady!" She changed her clothes. This was going to be the day to make it or break it -- one way or the other! Either she was desirable or she wasn't to someone else besides her husband. He loved her very much, she knew, but this was different. She had to do something to prove to herself that she wasn't an old, ugly broad with no hopes for an exciting life --and she wanted to make up her own mind for a change. First her parents had made her decisions for her, then she got married and her husband did most of the deciding. It was her turn now. If she wanted to be someone sexy and exciting or someone dull and boring, at least it should be her choice, whatever life style she wanted.

She called her neighbor and asked her to watch the kids after school, until her husband got home from work. Then she left a note for him to tell him that she'd be late.

As she walked out the front door she felt like a different person. She walked briskly and held herself proudly erect. She got into her car and took off, not even knowing where she was going.

She drove for several minutes, not thinking about anything. Strangely, her mind felt at peace and there was no need to think for a little while. Then she noticed a bar she'd passed many times and had often wished she'd had the courage to go inside. She rolled her window down for a closer inspection. It was open, so she slammed on the brakes and yanked the wheel around. The brakes squealed as she forced her car and herself to stop in front of the bar.

She hadn't noticed the police car coming toward her when she swerved into the parking lot. She didn't notice it as it pulled up close to her car, lights flashing. She still hadn't noticed it when the tall, lanky policeman wearing dark glasses got out and started toward her. She was just staring at the bar's entrance in front of her.

The policeman stood by her car door for a few moments, watching her.

"Are you all right, miss? Is something wrong?" he asked, ever so gently and softly.

Startled, she jumped and gasped, turned, wide-eyed, and finally realized there was a policeman standing there.

"Oh, I...uh..." her trembling fingers went to her mouth as tears smarted in her eyes. She dropped her eyes, turned her head and looked down at her legs, biting her lip and finger to keep those tears back.

The policeman frowned, realized this woman was in quite a bit of emotional turmoil, and decided to wait for her to make the next move. He took off his dark glasses and waited for a few moments as she regained her composure.

Blinking several times, she lifted her eyes to his face, swallowing hard, then noticed that this policeman had the most sexy eyes and nose and mouth that she'd ever seen. She raised an eyebrow as she marveled at that face and felt a burning, tingling sensation running up and down her spine which spread all over her body. She felt as if she were going to faint. Her eyes fluttered and her lips parted slightly as she turned her head away from that magnificent sight. Her breath seemed to be caught somewhere between her lungs and her throat.

Thinking she was going to faint, the officer jerked her door open and pulled her around to face him. She could see concern visibly encompassing his handsome face as she gasped for air, fighting the tears.

"I'm all right...I think..." she whispered, still fighting for her breath. She felt the warmth of his hands on her arms, his fingers pressing into her flesh, deeper and deeper. It seemed as if he could feel his way into her very soul.

"You were behaving rather erratically," he commented. "Why? Do you have a medical problem?"

"No...just...I've got some temporary problems I need to resolve," she said meekly, figuring he would write her a ticket for reckless driving.

She looked at his handsome face and felt her whole being drawn into those beautiful brown eyes -- so dark they looked black -- reminding her of her emptiness and that darkness, which seemed to be engulfing her whole self, consuming her.

There was no need for further vocal communication. He could read the message from her eyes and the movements of her body. He, too, was lonely, aching for companionship, for a friend with whom he could talk, for someone who could comprehend his feelings. Since his wife had been killed almost two years before in a car wreck, he had decided to just devote his life to his career and never let emotions 'get in the way' again. However, this lady had just snatched his attention. She seemed so helpless and lost, and he knew how it felt to be helpless and lost. He'd been lost for months after his wife's death. He'd felt helpless, too. She'd been run over by a hit-and-run drunk driver, according to one witness who'd seen the man swerving in the road. No license number, no car description complete enough for an arrest, so the man escaped justice. Now he felt an overwhelming urge to talk with this attractive lady.

"Would a cup of coffee help calm your jitters, ma'am?"

She nodded her head, not realizing the commitment she was about to enter. He helped her out of her car and into his police car. Then he called in for a lunch break, which was acknowledged. As he drove to his favorite spot, a quiet nearby restaurant he'd found, he looked at her several times, glancing sideways every so often. Neither of them knew what to say, so he drove in silence and she sat with her head down, eyes closed, wondering what in the world she was doing in this predicament.

They entered the café together, and he ordered some coffee 'for starters.'

"You want to talk about it?" he inquired softly.

"I can't even understand -- how could you?" She peered into those eyes and was once more lost in their depths.

"I understand better than you think," the softness of his voice made a teardrop trickle down each of her cheeks. He looked at her, traced her mouth, nose and hair with his eyes, then rested them in her dark blue, fathomless orbs.

"I know this is going to sound crazy -- but I feel like I've known you for a lifetime -- and since I didn't ask for your driver's license, I don't even know your name," he whispered.

She knew he wasn't trying to 'make time' or hand her a line -- his eyes were honest and the light from them was so intense!

She closed hers -- how could she tell him she felt the same way? It was like small electrical impulses were racing between them, instantly engulfing them and making their spirits as one -- each knowing and caring for the other and needing the other to live. The intensity! It was powerful!

She had never felt this way before. She stood up and started to leave when he touched her hand. A bolt of electricity raced up her arm and danced around in her head.

"Please don't go..." The hurt radiated from him and she felt compassion beyond anything she'd ever felt. Those eyes! They were hypnotizing! She couldn't move away -- she had to sit back down. So they sat, looking into each other's souls as they sipped their coffee.

"I've never felt like a magnet before," she quipped. He looked shocked for an instant.

"I thought I was the only one feeling a power between us, drawing us closer and closer. Is it possible that anyone could feel this way? I can't believe it...and yet it's happening to me...but nothing like this has ever happened to me before, either...I...this is unreal!"

She put her hand to her lips as the breathlessness again fought to overtake her. As she did, he noticed her wedding band. His eyes met hers and then he looked down at the table top.

"I guess I didn't notice your ring before. I'm sorry," he murmured. He looked like a little boy sitting there, waiting for a spanking because he'd done something wrong. Her motherly instincts instantly arose.

"It's okay, really. I'm divorced. I just wear this ring to ward off all the weirdos!" Oh, no! She wondered how she could have blurted out such a thing! That wasn't the truth at all! She blushed as she felt compelled to tell him the truth. The tears started to trickle down her cheeks again.

"You're going to think I'm awful, but I'm not really divorced yet..." Oh gads! That was even worse, she thought. Why had she said 'yet?'

"I'm not very happy in my marriage, and I'm thinking very seriously about a divorce -- can you understand all this?"

He studied her facial expressions intently. He knew she was one messed-up lady and something told him to excuse himself and get away as fast as he could. Something stronger riveted him to the chair. Her eyes caught his and he was again fascinated by her innocent demeanor.

"I do understand. It's okay," he said as he leaned over and grasped her hand in his. "Are you all right now?"

"No, I'm not! I want to be..." How could she tell him that she wanted to be younger and dance and enjoy the years that she hadn't enjoyed? How could she tell him that she wanted to love and be loved fiercely and passionately and enjoy every second of what life she had left? How could she tell him all these things and also tell him how warm his hand felt, holding hers? He was a stranger! Still, he didn't feel like a stranger to her. She felt so very comfortable with him, as if she had known him for such a long, long, time.

He looked at her lips. They were slightly pouted and above them, her pert little nose flared ever so gently with each breath. He had been 'around' and thought he knew all the types of women there were. This one was different. She was special. He wanted to know more about her and wanted to be with her longer, but he knew he couldn't right then. His time was limited while he was on duty.

"Listen, I've got to get back to work -- how about a dinner with me, or a drink? I promise I won't make any advances or try to seduce you...I would just like to get to know you better...all right?" He felt as if he were babbling like an idiot.

How could she dare? She hesitated for only a moment and then impulsively uttered, "Yes, a drink...whenever you can. You tell me what time and place and I'll meet you."

"Tonight at 7:30 p.m. I'll meet you here, at this restaurant, then I'll take you in my car to my favorite lounge!" His eyes were bright and mischievous. She felt like a little girl who, having accidentally found the key, was about to unlock and enter the forbidden room.

"Okay," she whispered.

As he got up to leave, he smiled at her, put on his dark glasses, and pulled his hat down over his forehead. She felt breathless again. How handsome he was!

He helped her get up and then held her arm on the way out to his car. She was very glad because she felt very shaky. They left the restaurant and without speaking, drove back to her car. She quickly exited his vehicle, and as she jumped into hers, he loudly exclaimed, "See ya tonight!" He smiled again, waved and left.

She sat there, stupefied and petrified at what she had just agreed to do. She was a married woman, meeting an unknown man and going to an unknown place and no one else could ever know! How dangerous!

"But I want to and I will," she murmured as a smile playfully teased her lips.

She made it back to the car and then back to her home, oblivious to everything going on around her. As she pulled into the driveway, she wondered how she had managed to get there.

Her husband opened the door to greet her, put his arms around her and gave her a peck on the cheek. She didn't want a kiss. She didn't even want a hug. She wanted to get back out of the house immediately. Her husband let go of her and then took a second look.

"Gees, hon," he exclaimed, "you sure look good!"

She grimaced at his receding hairline, his bald spot and the pouch he had for a belly. She felt revulsion and was glad he couldn't read her mind. He was good enough to her, but handsome he was not. In the past several years he had slowly become a fat, balding slob. The policeman seemed more and more desirable each passing moment.

"Well, I'm going back out with some friends in a few minutes. I'll probably be back in a couple hours," she said as she hurried into the bathroom. She had to get away from him before she said or did something to arouse any suspicion.

She really wanted to tell him that she was changing her image and that she might never come home, but she couldn't tell him anything. She peered into the mirror and saw a frightened person standing there, staring back. What was she doing? Could she really go back and meet her 'secret friend?' Her expression changed from frightened to determined.

"I've dreamed of something wild and exciting and now my chance has come! I need to grab hold of a dream I've had for a long, long time and enjoy myself! I'm going to do it!" With a giggle, she blew a kiss toward her reflection and hurried to the front door. Her husband was sitting in front of the TV and as usual, was watching the sports and drinking a beer.

"More for the belly," she muttered under her breath. She opened the door, told him again that she was going out with the girls and before he could get out of the chair, she waved goodbye and blew a kiss to him. She wondered as she hurried to the car if she had indeed waved goodbye for the last time to her tedious life and was now looking forward to an exciting new adventure. With little thought for husband or for children or for anything else, she drove to her rendezvous.

She emerged from her car feeling like a total woman, fulfilled by life. "If this is what love is, may it never pass from me again!" she thought. She sat down at 'their' table. It was almost time. She began to wonder if her policeman would really meet her or if it had all been her imagination. The more she thought, the more frightened and confused she felt.

"What am I doing? I could lose my home and husband and kids and everything! Here goes my security, my self-respect...gees, what is the matter with me, anyhow? So I'm getting older, so what? Everybody else is, too! Crape! I've got to get out of here before he comes...if he comes..oh, why do I want to see him again?" She couldn't forget those piercing brown eyes and those sensual lips that curled upward at the corners ever so slightly. She wanted to feel those lips on her own. She wanted to feel breathless and excited. She wanted to see the fireworks in her head that she had always imagined would be there with a true, passionate and fulfilled love.

"What am I thinking? I can't do this! I gotta get out of here!" She grabbed her purse, but in her haste she dropped it and the contents scattered. Quickly she started picking up the numerous items. Just as she picked up her comb, seemingly the last item, she felt a hand on her shoulder. The tingling started from that spot, spread down her back and then over her whole body. She felt as if she were on fire.

"I thought maybe you wouldn't come, but I was sure hoping you'd be here," his voice sounded so gentle. She started quivering.

"You're shaking!" he exclaimed as she looked up into those brown eyes with those long, dark lashes. His black, wavy hair looked so neat and he smelled so good! She close her eyes and wondered what to do next.

"Are you hungry?" She had looked so vulnerable. He hoped that a meal would alleviate the fear he'd seen in her eyes.

"I can't do this, I really can't," she murmured.

"Can't do what? Have a cup of coffee and talk?" He was looking directly at her. He felt a weakness in his legs and his breath was shallow and rapid. He looked at this beautiful lady and wanted desperately to at least be a friend and confidant. He really wanted to be her lover, too, and he knew he'd be ready when and if she would ever be. However, he could feel her confusion and thought he should try to ease her burdened mind for now. As he tried to speak, there seemed to be something caught in his throat.

"Listen, it's all right. We'll do it another time, okay? I really want to be your friend...I don't want you to be frightened. Why don't you go on home and decide what you really want out of life. I'll give you my phone numbers for home and for work. You can call anytime, all right?"

She watched as he swallowed hard, and as he bowed his head to avert his eyes, she realized he had given her a way out of this mess.

"Please...I...I'll take your phone numbers. I might be calling you. I don't know right now. I really need some time alone to think," she watched as he wrote down the numbers. His warm hand touched hers as he gave her the paper. She noticed that he looked hopeful for an instant, then he frowned and clenched his jaw.

"Here," he scoffed, "they might come in handy someday."

"Thanks." She didn't know what else to say.

He turned quickly so she wouldn't see the hurt in his eyes. His heart felt as if it were being ripped apart, and he didn't know why. Without looking back at her, he got into his car and drove away.

She watched as he left. Now it was her turn to swallow hard. There was a lump in her throat that wouldn't go away. The tears threatened her makeup again.

"Guess I'd better go home," she whispered to herself. She got into her car and was heading home when the bar where she'd met her policeman caught her attention again. The lights were flashing and she could hear the music. They were playing one of her favorite songs. There was a couple of fairly good-looking guys standing by the doorway.

She felt the urge to prove that she was desirable and worthy of attention once more. She decided to stop and have just a couple of drinks and a couple of dances.

"Maybe no one will ask me to dance...wouldn't that be a lark!" she mused as she locked up her car. She walked up to the doorway. The bouncer casually looked up at her.

"Are you going to ask for my ID?" she joked.

"Sure, why not?" he smiled back at her, looking somewhat interested in the fact that she was alone. "Expecting company?" he asked.

"Maybe," she bantered. "Right now I just want to have a couple of drinks and maybe dance some."

"Well, go on and have fun," he laughed and grinned. "You shouldn't have any trouble attracting a dance partner or two." His comment made her feel more confident and gave her the courage to go inside. It was dark, but she felt like she was walking in a spotlight and everyone could see her every move. She made her way up to the bar, sat down and ordered a vodka collins. She didn't want to be considered a 'lady of the evening,' so she kept her eyes cast downward and tried not to look around at anyone.

She drank her vodka collins as fast as she dared. She could feel someone looking her over, sizing her up. She looked toward the mirror in front of her and saw several men watching her. The music was very loud and she started wondering if she really wanted to stay, have another drink and try to dance or just go on home.

A dark-haired, cowboy type sidled close to her. He began glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. She didn't think he was too bad looking, so she shyly sneaked a peek. He grinned. She looked down and then back up rather bashfully. He smiled broadly, showing a set of cigarette-stained teeth.

"You want another drink, ma'am?" he asked boldly.

"Well, I was going to have at least two, so I guess..." her voice trailed off uncertainly.

"Set 'em up for me and the little lady here," he ordered the bartender. When she got it, she drank it down quicker than she had the first one. She started to feel the slight buzzing sensation of a pleasantly clouded perspective. It felt good to have a couple of drinks again. It had been a long time since she had been out with her husband, and neither of them really drank hard liquor. She didn't like beer, and had never wanted to become an alcoholic, so she just stayed away from temptation. The first time she'd had a vodka collins scared her. She figured she liked the stuff much too much, and it would be easy for her to regularly imbibe, so not drinking was easier. Now she felt her inhibitions sliding and she was beginning to feel free and almost wild.

The cowboy invited her to dance. When they started swinging with the music, she found him to be a pretty good dancer, even to disco-type music. She hadn't been on a dance floor in years, but she began to get the rhythm. Relaxed as she was, she began to feel groovy with the music and she really began to dance. She felt graceful and sexy and she noticed a lot of men looking at her. The thought flashed through her mind that if she continued to dance like this, that ten pounds she wanted to lose would come off rather quickly.

The dance was over too soon. A fast 'thank you' and she was off to the bar, alone, and ready for another drink. The interest had been sparked by her fervent performance and she had many more invitations by many different men. She felt higher than she had ever felt before. After several more drinks, and many more dances, she felt like the most wanted, gorgeous woman in the world. Men kept coming for more dances and more offers for more drinks. She didn't really want to settle down with any one of them. None of them really attracted her inner self. She was beginning to get a little tired, so she started saying no for a few dances and concentrated on a few more lonely drinks.

As she sipped her vodka, she continued to brush off the drunks and the men with whom she didn't really feel like dancing. She began to wonder if this was such a good life after all. She became very maudlin with thoughts of her policeman, wishing he were there and then being glad he wasn't. She wouldn't want him to see her like this. She began to wonder if she could ever make up her mind whether or not to call him, whether or not to go back home or whether or not to take up an invitation from one of the more handsome men to go to a different place.

As she finished one more glass of liquor, she decided that this wasn't such a good place to be. It suddenly didn't matter that this was the 'exciting life.' She didn't feel any excitement any more.

"What's wrong with me? Why don't I feel good, like I thought this would make me feel? I got the men, I got the attention -- what's wrong with me?" She watched the drunks as they made their way to and from the bathrooms. It seemed as if all their little worlds consisted of was a table, booze and a place to go to get rid of the booze.

"What a miserable existence," she sighed. "What is my existence? I can stay here and drink and dance or I can go home and watch TV. If I go home everything else goes with it -- the cooking, washing, cleaning, scrubbing -- just so somebody can make it dirty again so I can clean it up again! What a dull, repetitious and never-ending rut! Is there nothing to enjoy? Am I doomed to be a drudge forever and ever? I can't go on like this...I just can't! What have I got to look forward to?"

"Here I can get drunk, go to the bathroom, get sick, throw up, smell the rotten stale cigarette smoke...another rut! Now I suppose I'll wake up in the morning with an awful hangover...oh crape! I can just imagine morning! What is the worth of living anyway? What is happiness and enjoyment? I don't think I've ever been happy or enjoyed anything! What's wrong with me?"

Her head was really beginning to hurt and the loud music pounded each note a little deeper into her skull. The noxious smell of cheap perfume, booze, cigarette, perspiration and vomit was making her feel very queasy. This was definitely not what she wanted out of life!

She thought of her husband at home with the kids and all the work there. That was not appealing, either. Then she thought of her policeman. She wondered what he was doing now. He did make her feel something, that was for sure -- but she wondered in her present condition how long that would last -- a year or two? Six months? One night?

"What am I? Who am I? Why am I going through all this?" She got up from the table and staggered to the door, trying to avoid the questioning eyes and searching hands of all those men. They wanted her to dance some more and have some more drinks. She decided she didn't like drunk men very much at all.

Somehow she managed to make it to the door and make a break for freedom and fresh air. The wind playfully tugged at her hair and blouse. She began to feel a little better.

She fumbled for the keys in her purse as she neared her car. As she pulled them out, she began to feel uneasy. She felt as though someone or something were lurking in the shadows, spying on her, waiting for her to make a wrong move.

She looked around carefully but saw no one and no movement. She breathed in deeply and let out a big sigh. "Fool, there's no one around. You've been watching too many scary movies."

She unlocked the door and as she started to open it, a hand grabbed her arm, roughly digging the nails into her flesh. She felt a scream began to escape from her lips, but before it could free itself, an arm made its way around her neck, shutting off her breath. She was so frightened she could not move. A low voice growled in her ear.

"Don't fight me, baby. You came on strong in there and I intend to finish our little dance now." She started to struggle, but the arm tightened even more, so she stopped. Her throat hurt really badly and pressure was building up in her chest. She thought she would explode as a merciful darkness overtook her.

Her policeman could not stop thinking about her. He had been driving aimlessly. He wondered where she was, what she was doing and if she would decide to call him. He wondered if she might not have gone back to that bar she had so recklessly driven into earlier. He had no particular place to go, so he decided to check out the night life.

He was just pulling into the parking lot when he thought he saw some movement. He slowed. Perceiving some difficulty between a man and a woman, he stopped, hurried over to a nearby telephone and called in for help. Just as he finished giving the bar's address, he saw a flash of light. Looking intently, he realized it was a knife glistening in the flashing neon lights as the man was stabbing at the woman. He jerked the telephone booth door open and began to run toward the assailant and the victim. Both of them had dropped to the ground, scuffling.

The man obviously heard the clicking of the policeman's footsteps. He turned and for one moment, with bloody knife blade hovering high in the air, looked as if he were a deranged maniac. The policeman grabbed the arm with the knife in hand, jerked it downward over his thigh and heard the cracking of the bone as the knife fell to the ground. The man stopped struggling and started screaming that his arm was broken. A few people had gathered around and one of them kicked the knife farther away from the attacker.

The policeman, realizing the man was in no shape to get away for a few minutes, took time to glance at the victim. That sight took his breath away. It was his woman -- the one he would have called friend -- the one with whom he felt so close. She was lying on her side in a near-fetal position, her hand grasping for someone, anyone. Tears welled in his eyes as he fell to his knees by her side and took her hand in both of his. She looked up, and in agony and futility, she tried to breathe as her lungs began to collapse from the numerous stab wounds.

Her eyes began to clear. She realized she was looking into the beautiful brown eyes of her policeman. The tingling sensation began to spread throughout her body in spite of the excruciating, painful wounds. She longed for a second chance -- if nothing else, for a friendship. She knew the feeling she felt with him would never leave her. She watched as the tears made rivulets down his cheeks and then she tried to smile as she gazed at those sensuous lips.

She formed the words "I love you," with a raspy, breathless voice.

In mute agreement, he nodded his head. He waited, feeling helpless. Deep inside he felt the need to have known this beautiful woman and wished he could have had more time, too.

They looked deep into each other's eyes, knowing each other's pain, loving each other, desperately hoping that this would not be the end of all things. They both knew that only once in a lifetime could they have found such a feeling so deep inside both of them.

However, he knew from experience that with the far-away look in her eyes, she couldn't possibly live much longer. He bit his lip and mustered up more courage than he'd ever had to in his life just so he could speak.

"I hope you believe that some things can last forever -- that we can somehow, someday be together again...some place..."

She closed her eyes, nodded her head in a slow, slightly upward and downward motion. She smiled at the thought of being with her policeman again someday. A peaceful feeling permeated her body and the merciless pain seemed to disappear. She felt a love beyond her comprehension, and that love made her feel radiant. She reached up with her free arm, gave her policeman a soft caress, and with a gentle sigh, stopped breathing.

When he realized that her spirit had left her body, he felt the pain of that loss to his very soul. A moan escaped from him as he bowed his head in grief.

"Not again...not again...how can this be...I loved, I love, I lose my love...I can't take any more. I just can't take any more," he whispered ever so softly as he started to feel all of his strength and energy dissipate.

As sobs wrenched his body, a warmth began to invade his pain, soothing it, and a gentle breeze caressed his cheek. He could almost see the glow surrounding him. It seemed as if energy began to flow back into the void that had started to overwhelm him. He felt her presence. She was there, all around him -- she was with him at that instant! Then he realized that life goes on, even after death.

He gathered up his courage, stood up and decided to finish up with his life until his time was completed here, on this earth. He would do the best he could do for whatever time he had left. A peaceful calm settled in his soul and he knew, without a doubt, that she would wait for him to join her and that she would be with him forever.